Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
Should I prioritize obeying my parents or following Sunna acts, such as fasting on Mondays and Thursdays, if my parents discourage it?
Answer
Thank you for your question. Although it is not obligatory to obey your parents when they ask you to avoid sunna acts, you might proceed with tact and wisdom to not upset them.
Quran
Allah Most High said in the Quran, “And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], “uff,” and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.” [Quran, 17:23]
Hadith about parents
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “The Lord’s pleasure is in the father’s pleasure, and the Lord’s anger is in the father’s anger.” [Tirmidhi] One explanation of this hadith says, “This means that if the father is pleased with the child, the Lord is also pleased, and likewise about his anger. This applies to the mother as well.” [Sharh al-Masabih, Ibn Malik, 5/283]
A person came to the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) and asked, “Who among people is most deserving of my fine treatment?” He said, ”Your mother.” He again asked, “Who next?” ”Your mother,” the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) replied again. He asked, “Who next?” He said again, “Your mother.” He again asked, “Then who?” Thereupon he said, “Then your father.”
In another narration: “O Messenger of Allah! Who is most deserving of my fine treatment?” He said, “Your mother, then your mother, then your mother, then your father, then your nearest, then nearest.” [Bukhari & Muslim]
Balance
Given the tremendous respect that is due to parents, it is still not unconditional to obey them, especially when they discourage sunna acts of worship. See those details below. I recommend fasting more often in the winter and less in the summer because the shorter days are easier. Also, the more often you fast and make it a habit, the more they will accept it. These problems won’t last long, by the grace of Allah Most High, as parents tend to cool off when their children grow into adults and make their own decisions. Perhaps skip a fast occasionally to show them that you care about their feelings, and then they will start to care about yours, too. Always turn to Allah for ease and guidance.
Please see more details here:
– Can I Make up Fasts Even If My Parents Prevent Me From Doing So?
– Is It Permissible to Conceal the Fact That One Is Fasting an Obligatory Fast by Passing It Off as a Sunna Fast?
– Do I have to Obey my Parents if they Order me To Leave Sunnah Acts?
– When May Parents Be Disobeyed, and How?
– What Constitutes Disobeying One’s Parents (’Uquq al-Walidayn)?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
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