Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I’m a revert struggling in my marriage. My husband threatens divorce, refuses to provide, and opposes medical care. Living with my non-Muslim parents concerns me about my faith and that of my child. How should I handle this while fulfilling my Islamic duties?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration, and I pray that you can work this out with your husband with open communication, compassion and mutual understanding.
Provision
The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “It is shockingly wicked for a person to withhold from those he is to provide for.” [Muslim]
A wife’s rights in a marriage include things like suitable accommodation, food and clothes, toiletries etc. and other things usual for a woman of her social standing, as well as the right to live cordially, without abuse or neglect. It is a religious obligation that a man provides financial rights to his wife; you should remind him of this. He will be accountable for this on the Day of Judgment.
Separate quarters
You have a right to live in a separate home or at least in separate quarters from your in-laws. Their being non-Muslim will certainly affect the upbringing of your child and your faith. Speak to your husband about planning to move and set a goal for that. Don’t let your living with them take away from your child’s Quran lessons, teaching him/her the seera, the etiquettes of Islam and maintaining its spirit in the home.
Please see more details here:
– A Wife’s Right to Housing Separate From Her In-Laws
Character
It is shameful that your husband threatens divorce, refuses medical care and neglects you; I urge you to be patient and strengthen your bonds of marriage as much as you can. Have open lines of communication and an appropriate love language. Try to reconnect with each other through worshipping together and getting time alone. Pray istikhara about other options if necessary. Please use the resources below:
Du`a
Say this supplication daily:
رَبِّ اجْعَلْنِي مُقِيمَ الصَّلَاةِ وَمِنْ ذُرِّيَّتِي ۚ رَبَّنَا وَتَقَبَّلْ دُعَاءِ
“O my Lord! make me one who establishes regular prayer, and also (raise such) among my offspring O our Lord! and accept Thou my Prayer.” [Quran, 14:40]
Course Suggestions
– Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriage
– Making Love Last: Prophetic Principles for a Successful Marriage
– 40 Hadiths on Successful Marriage: Key Teachings of the Prophet on Beautiful, Loving, Caring Married Life
Answer Suggestions
– Istikhara Prayer
– Prayer of Need (Salat al-Haja)
– How Do I Deal With the Misery of a Husband Who Threatens Divorce All the Time?
– What Should I Do with a Husband Who Refuses to Work and Provide?
– Should I Leave My Rude Husband or Continue to Be Patient?
– Should I Divorce When I Have Lost Respect for My Husband After All These Years?
– Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered
Book Suggestions
– Chapman, G: Five Love Languages Revised Edition
– The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
– Handbook of a Healthy Muslim Marriage
– “The Relationship Cure” by Dr. John Gottman
Article Suggestions
– What Makes A Marriage Work – Shaykh Hamza Yusuf
– 25 Years’ Worth of Marriage Advice: Hina Khan-Mukhtar
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
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