What to Do When I Saw My Husband Had Indecent Photos of My Sister?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I discovered that my husband secretly saved a private image of my sister from my phone, and this is the second time he has done so. He also appears to view indecent images online despite praying regularly and being otherwise kind.

I have not confronted him because he will be upset that I checked his phone. How should I handle this situation Islamically?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your pain and disgust and I pray that he ceases this immoral behaviour for the sake of his family, his religion and his Lord.

Photos

Viewing photos of your sister and other women online is impermissible, sinful, and disgusting. If these are the only things you have found, it usually means it’s the tip of the iceberg, and the problem could be deeper and bigger. Additionally, it is a serious breach of trust and a betrayal.

Confront

Keeping it to yourself will not help anybody. Prepare yourself emotionally so that he might respond with anger, shock, and denial. Don’t get angry, and don’t accuse. Tell him what you saw. Admit that you looked at his phone, and be prepared that he won’t like it. In the future, I advise you not to check his phone again (see links below).

Remind him that this behaviour is not befitting one who prays regularly. Tell him he needs to conquer this addiction, and you can help him. Request that he delete the photos. Tell him you feel betrayed and hurt. Ask him to see a counselor with you or alone, or an imam, or at least start with this website: Purify Your Gaze – The Safe Place For Healing From Unwanted Sexual Behaviors

Tips

• Pray together as a family.
• Thank Allah that he is a kind person, and tell him that you appreciate that.
• Take Islamic classes together.
• Frequent the mosque more often or encourage him to do that
• Spend time in nature for fresh air and exercise.
• Socialize with positive religious friends.
• Reduce screen time for everyone.

Dua

I recommend these duas for him daily, but you can say them as well.

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ شَرِّ سَمْعِي وَمِنْ شَرِّ بَصَرِي وَمِنْ شَرِّ لِسَانِي وَمِنْ شَرِّ قَلْبِي وَمِنْ شَرِّ مَنِيِّي

Narrated Shakl ibn Humayd: “I said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, teach me a supplication.’ He said:  ‘Say:

“O Allah, I seek refuge in Thee from the evil of what I hear, from the evil of what I see, from the evil of what I speak, from the evil of what I think, and from the evil of my semen.’’” [Abu Dawud]

رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا

“Our Lord! Bless us with (pious) spouses and offspring who will be the joy of our hearts, and make us models for the righteous.” [Quran, 25:74]

اللَّهُمَ حَبَّبْ إِلَيْنَا الْإِيمَانَ وَزَيِّنْهُ فِي قُلُوبِنَا، وَكَرِّهْ إِلَيْنَا الْكُفْرَ وَالْفُسُوقَ وَالْعِصْيَانَ، وَاجْعَلْنَا مِنَ الرَّاشِدِينَ

O Allah, make our faith beloved to us and beautify it in our hearts and make hateful to us disbelief, wickedness and disobedience, and make me of those rightly-guided. [Du`a taken from the Quran, 49:7]

Please see more details here:

• When a Man Cheats, Is He Only Harming Himself or Also His Wife?
• How Do I Deal With My Unfaithful Husband and Trust Him Again?
• Can I Check My Husband’s Phone for Pornography?
• What Is the Ruling on Spying and Suspicion?
• Is It Permissible to Learn about Lies, Deception, and Spying?
• Can I Spy on My Husband?
• A Reader on Pornography and Masturbation
• Am I Wrong for Not Sleeping with My Porn-Addicted Husband Until He Stops?
• What Should I Do After Catching My Newlywed Husband Chatting on a Dating App?
• How Do I Stop My Husband from Watching Pornography and Masturbating?
• My husband is addicted to internet porn
• “Too Embarrassed to Talk About It”: Pornography Addiction and Some of Its Effects on Muslim Marital Life

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

The post What to Do When I Saw My Husband Had Indecent Photos of My Sister? appeared first on SeekersGuidance.